putting my scary evil Halloween voice to good use

'Tis the season for corny "inspiring" holiday commercials. You may roll your eyes and want to throw up after seeing them, but let me help you actually enjoy these commercials. WANT to watch them, even. Take the last corny line said and say it in an evil scary Halloween voice. It makes it just sooooooo funny:

"In all my years, I've never seen a storm like this." Man comforts woman scared of lightning. "I'm here. And I always will be," as he gives her jewelry.

• Now, say "and I always will be" in a scary evil Halloween voice. Now it's funny.

Mom is video-conferencing with her daughter while at home. "Look what we've done around the house." Goes out on the porch. "Surprise, I'm home!" says the daughter.

• Now, say "Surprise, I'm home!" in your evil scary Halloween voice. Now it's funny.

Girl, after a day of visiting places significant in their relationship, says to boy, "I don't remember this place." "You will," he says, as he takes out a ring to propose.

• Corny, right? Now, say "you will" in your evil voice. Yep, funny.

Thank you, Kay Jeweler's and Lowe's commercials, for giving me such good material.

multi-tasking

I have discovered a unique way of multi-tasking: while walking from point A to point B, close your eyes for a few seconds at a time in order to get some much-needed rest. Result: not only do you feel more refreshed, but no time has been wasted!

Caution & Advice for Success:

1) This is best done when no one is around. Not only do people prove to be hazards that you might walk into, you will probably attract a lot of strange looks.

2) This is best executed while walking in a straight line on a wide path. Trips and falls may be the consequence if you do not follow this advice (this also may result in strange looks and pointing fingers/laughing by passersby).

3) Emphasis on closing your eyes for only a few seconds at a time. You never know when a small dog may wait for just that moment to get under your feet and try to trip you. Also, an alligator might jump out and try to bite your leg off. This would result in surgeries, possible prosthetics, and trauma counseling. In addition, trained professionals will try to find the answer to why you were walking down the street with your eyes closed for so long. This would be embarrassing to explain.

I have done this several times with excellent results. Who says you never have time to rest?

how to make rockin' scrambled eggs

It's simple. It's uncomplicated. It rocks.

What you need and what to do:

-Non-tephlon pan

-Medium to medium-high heat

-Pam cooking spray

-Crack your eggs in the pan.

-Mix them around with your spatula.

-Add salt and pepper. I use sea salt and fresh ground pepper.

-Mix them around as they cook. It should only take about a minute.

-Add Vintage Extra Sharp Tillamook cheddar cheese to make them more rockin'.

-Katie's Magic Touch

That's it. The rockingness scrambled eggs could be on your plate in no time.